A writer who loves fantasy, avoids reality, and who knows the value of hanging a death skull outside my door to ward off uninvited visitors.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Not-So-Marvelous Avengers Flick

Okay so, here's something people may not know about me: I'm a HUGE movie buff. It's one of the things my hubby and I love to do together so very much. We talk about the movies after they're over, read reviews and very few times agree with them (usually though, we gawk and "WHAT" at movie reviewers' views about certain films). One of the things we do a lot is read a few of these often-misguided reviews before we see a movie, just to get an idea of what to expect; historically speaking, when reviewers hate movies, we tend to go in knowing it's a great film, and vice versa. We never read spoilers, because, let's face it, where's the fun in that? But, with The Avengers, it was hard not to get swept up in the hype surrounding this flick, what with all the marketing (apparently Marvel allotted approx. $100 mil just to get us to believe it was an amazing experience we just couldn't live without seeing). They were wrong. So very very wrong. To show you just how wrong they were, I'll break some parts of this review up into two sections: "What we read", and "What we saw".

Now, before we get started, for those who might think this movie in particular just wasn't our cup of gamma, not only do we love movies, we especially love super-hero movies. In fact, we LOVED Ironman 1 and 2, Thor, Captain America, etc... We loved all the actors in those movies as well, just so you know.

Here goes: My review of Marvel's: The Avengers.

It was a fun film, right from the get-go. Full of action. Funny as hell. Great dialogue. Great banter among the cast. The best super-hero movie of all time. AND, the piece de' resistance: The BEST rendition of The Hulk (and Banner) ever, which was masterfully-played by Mark Ruffalo.

NOW...SPOILER ALERT (if you haven't seen the film and want to judge it on your own first, come back here later...

The movie had a s..l..o..w start, in terms of giving us what we went there for: THE super-heroes. Of course being a writer myself, I know that sometimes fiction (regardless the medium) requires a slow start in order to set-up what should prove to be well worth the wait. But, that's not what this was. This movie's slow start was toooo slow-going in its attempt to gather the heroes to battle Loki, who's stolen the tesseract, an important artifact that could potentially provide the world with unlimited clean energy.

But, see, Loki had more lofty aspirations, feeling it was too important for us to simply use it as a way to shoot Big Oil the proverbial "finger". No, Loki wanted to use the tesseract to open a gateway in order to bring in an army so he could take over Earth and rule without mercy, because (boo-hoo) he couldn't rule in his own world. **insert evil laugh here**

Then there's the FACT that most of the movie made no sense. Here you have this "God" and he wants to rule our planet. Okay, lame, but I'll bite. But why force the Hulk out? There was mention of that being one of his intentions, but nothing came of it....well, nothing but the one of the ONLY mildly chuckle-worthy seconds of the movie, when, at the end of the film, the Hulk thrashes Loki around repeatedly, then throws out his one line of dialogue, which I cover in the next section, BTW.

This movie had some of the best dialogue and banter ever found in any super-hero movie (or any movie, period). Also, this movie had, without question, some of the funniest and best humor in any film. Especially an action film.

FACT: Much (if not most) of the dialogue was lame, petty, insignificant, artificial, forced, unnatural, and down-right awkward, all of which completely defied the abundance of rumors that claimed the banter and dialogue was AMAZING. It wasn't. Believe me. Any writer worth his goods should be able to spot this, even with the most advanced ear plugs available firmly in place. Now, we both know and love the writer/director of this flick, Joss Whedon (creator and master behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly). An artist, in terms of comedy and witty dialogue known as Whedon-speak. But, as Whedon-speak has no place in ANY adult-riddled action film that wants to be taken seriously, sadly, to our surprise, Whedon's ability to write comedy fell short.

This movie had, without question, the best Bruce Banner and Hulk ever portrayed throughout Marvel's history of trying to bring them to life for our viewing pleasure.

This was one of the things my hubby and I were both anticipating more than the movie itself. We both loved Edward Norton's portrayal of the Hulk and Banner in the reboot of The Hulk movie, a few years ago. So, hearing all this hype about the new Hulk, played by Mark Ruffalo (an actor I like very much), we couldn't wait to see Mark's version of this tormented character that we love so much. We'd read that Ruffalo brought a unique and often-missed humanity to the character. When we read this, we agreed that we could see it, only because Ruffalo has that sensitive appeal to him. Boy, did EVERYONE miss the mark (no pun intended) on this one. So, if you're like us, and you LOVE the Hulk, don't go in expecting to get a gree-eye full of this entertaining rage monster. No sir. In total, this movie features him for a whopping fifteen minutes (give or take), at best, and he comes in waaayyy into the film. We'd also read that he finally speaks. *underwhelming finger-twirl*. He has one line. It was funny. But, it was one line, just the same. So pray someone doesn't fart loudly in the theater or you'll miss his astounding one-liner, believe me.

Some of the best action ever found in an action flick. A FUN movie.


The action was typical. Fast-moving. Short shots. Blah, blah, blah. Nothing exciting or even note-worthy here. Nothing new. Nothing worth remembering in great detail to one day look back on with that lingering sense of, "WWWWOOOOOWWWW! That was incredible. Now, I wanna see it again."

One of the best 3D flicks ever made.

God, where do I start? I'm a HUGE advocate of this format. I own a 3D T.V. and Blu-Ray player, and I love watching 3D at home. But, in theaters, particularly in IMAX, I love how it brings you into the film; and for $17 a pop, it better! I love how it really puts you there. Consumes you like 2D never will. But this time....*head shake* it SUCKED, simply because The Avengers wasn't filmed in 3D. It was converted after the fact, and it shows. So much so, it left me wondering if the 3D aspect had slipped away, forcing me to lift my glasses several times throughout the film. Frankly, I feel like the theater ripped us off, stealing our $17 a head with a lie that it would be an IMAX experience, when in reality, it was an, "I spent what on THAT?" experience.

So, to recap: Save your money. Don't buy into the hype. Wait for it to come to Blu-Ray, and hell, if you wanna see it in 3D, buy it when it hits the bargain bin. Trust me, it'll look better at home anyway, and you won't feel like hunting down all those reviewers who made you lose over two hours of your life that will NEVER be worth remembering.

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